What Do My Kids Need?

I have a four-year-old son and a two-year-old daughter. I love them dearly. I would do most anything for them. I want them to have all they need for this life and the next. But, what do they need? How much is enough? How much is too much?

These are some of the questions that my wife and I are asking ourselves. We live a life of abundance. We have a home, plenty of food and clothes, and excess for fun outings. I have noticed lately that my children have turned into great consumers. When my son sees us walking through the door with a shopping bag, he is likely to ask, “What did you get for me?” If we go to McDonalds, my daughter will point out the Happy Meal toy that she wants. And my heart goes out to my children. I want to give them fun things and experiences. My question is: where do I draw the line between giving my children memorable experiences and giving them unrealistic expectations?

I feel blessed that I can provide our children with a home, clothes, and food. I know there are millions of loving parents who are unable to provide one or more of these things to their children. I also am feeling more of a responsibility to teach my children the value of what they receive, and to give them a realistic understanding that not all children have what my children are fortunate enough to have.

We want to teach our children the value of a dollar. It seems that they are too quick to break, destroy, or neglect those things which we have spent money to purchase. We want our children to see the needs of other and compassionately give to others as they are able. Last night, we had our son sit with me and select a child to support through the organization World Vision. He chose a boy his age who lives half the world away. We will give to World Vision each month so that this boy receives food, medicine, clean drinking water, and other essentials. Over time, we hope our son sees, experiences, and comprehends the abundance he has and the little that his new friend has. When our daughter gets a little older, we want her to select a child in the same way whom we can sponsor.

Over time, we also pray that as we sponsor these children, we’ll be able to instill in our children’s lives the value of sacrifice. What can my son do without so that his friend half a world away can get something so desperately necessary for his survival? What can our daughter give away so that another girl half a world away need not be sold as a sex slave?

As I ask these questions, and so many more about what my children value and need, I am also having to assess and reassess what I value and what I need. Do I value things more than relationships? Do I value what I can buy more than what was purchased for me through the blood of Christ? What can I do without so that I can care for the widows and orphans of this world (James 1:27)? What do I need to set aside in personal savings and what should I give away today?

The Plan

What are my objectives for this blog?

First, I want to create a dialogue for people to see the reality of the Christian life and walk. I’m not perfect. I do not claim to be. I struggle with the charge of Paul in Romans 6 where he states that Christians are no longer slaves to sin, but slaves to righteousness who are to present their bodies to righteousness leading to holiness. I too frequently see my life as a battleground in which sin seems to win the battle more often than righteousness. Does that mean that I am not a Christian? I know that is not true. Does this offer hope to those who are searching for the truth found in Jesus but worried that they will never be worthy of His mercy? I hope so. The Bible states that “while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). He did not wait for perfect specimens before He extended mercy to those who were yet sinners, or those who are still sinners.

Second, I want to be authentic about the failings and successes in my life. Am I the perfect husband and father? Absolutely not. Am I the model Christian? Unfortunately, no. I struggle with balancing faith and family. In fact, I considered naming this blog “When faith and family collide.” Sometimes I am a better pastor than father. Sometimes I am a better husband than professional. The balance seems always just out of reach. As someone who trends toward perfectionism (which in itself is a sin of pride and self reliance) I want everything to be ideal … right now. Not next week. Not next year. I want to be the ideal husband, pastor, friend, father, etc. today. This is a growing process. Where do I struggle? Where have I failed?  This will give me an opportunity to share those times. Hopefully I learn lessons and grow through the experiences. Hopefully, as I broadcast my failings with an unseen Internet world, I’ll be able to change. I do value accountability and want to be held accountable for my failings. I do not always like to be held accountable in the moment, but over time (and with personal reflection), I value accountability.

Third, speaking of accountability, I need to chart success and progress. I write a lot of
“to-do” lists. I also have a lot of “to-do” lists in my head. Honestly, I would love to have a written statement or philosophy of parenting, of financial goals, of pastoral objectives, etc. If I write these down or tell a numbr of people this is my design, I’ll be more likely to follow through on these objectives. This may not mean much to you, but it means a lot to me. I am more reactive than proactive in many areas. My objective is to allow this blog, and my pastor’s blog, to give me the opportunity to fine tune and craft those philosophies and obejctives.

Who am I?

Who am I? I am a child of God. I am an unworthy sinner who has been saved by the grace of God and the atoning blood of Christ. I am a son who is not very good at connecting with his father and is too quick to dismiss the things his mother says. I am a husband who is unworthy of the love of a strong, loving woman. My wife has forgiven me more times than I deserve and has not in any way been paid back for her love and forgiveness. I am a father to a young son and daughter who have to watch a daddy who sometimes loses his anger, is too harsh with them, and often expects from them more than they are able to give at their age or should be expected to give to me. I am a pastor of a baptist church in Carson City, Nevada who fights a daily battle to not take pride in those things that God does through His church, through me, and through His people. I often feel a failure in all of these areas (sometimes simultaneously) and in many other areas. I feel the pressure to exceed my expectations of myself. I don’t know how to rest. I have a difficult time letting go of past hurts and recent conflicts. I can add more taks to my to-do list than I can check off in a day, in a week, or in a lifetime.  I am an avid reader. I like to garden. I have a hard time making friends and a harder time keeping friends (due to my lack of effort, not my friends’ faults). I worry about what I did in the past, what I am doing presently, and what I may do in the future. I am haunted by some memories I have from childhood, and more haunted by my inability to remember the good times. I disappoint myself often. I disappoint others more often than I should. I want to have “a place for everything, and everything in its place,” but my dirty laundry is always on the bedroom floor. I want to be a leader in my family, but I rarely take the initiative to lead spiritual, financial, or relational change. I want to do better but I don’t always seem to know how. Or I am too tired to try. But, I am a friend, a brother, a pastor, a son, a daddy, a husband, a sinner saved by grace, and  a child of God.

Hope … God can and will transform me.

Shepherd the flock

I have to admit as I start this blog that I have some reservations. It does seem that posting a blog on the Web is a bit self-indulgent. After all, who am I to plaster my thoughts to a number of people whom I may never meet. Will anyone care what I have to say? Should anyone care what I have to say?

Someone is probably asking, “Well then, bubba, why are you writing a blog?” The answer is that I feel a compelling call by the Lord to present an avenue for discussion and dialogue about the things of God, His Son, and His word. And I do acknowledge that there are any number of people out there today who have the same call and can create a far more productive dialogue and discussion than can I, but I do feel led to present this forum. So here goes …

First up, what is my role as the pastor of a church body? Pastors often wear many hats. We are administrators, preachers, teachers, counselors, defenders, hospital visitors, marriage license signers, vision-casters, etc. We may preach sermons on Sundays, create worship plans on Mondays, clean the toilets when they overflow on Tuesday, pray with a family who has lost a member on Wednesday, deliver food to a needy family on Thursday, moderate a business meeting on Friday, and occasionally take a day off once every month or two. And the pastor’s job is never sure and consistent. There are times when calls require us to shift our priorities to meet serious, urgent needs among our congregation members or others in our community.

Having said all of that, I do think there are some biblical mandates for what a pastor is to be and to do. Ephesians 4:11-12 says that God, “gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ.” This passage tells us two things. First, the role of the pastor is to train the congregation (the saints) to be equiped as God’s servants and workers. Second, the pastor’s role is to train the congregation so that the body of Christ is built up (not so that the pastor’s individual church to grow numerically).

In 1 Timothy 4:2, Paul instructs his protégé, Timothy to, “preach the word, be ready in season and out of season: reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching.” Here Paul instructs Pastor Timothy to be ever-ready to preach the gospel message and to urge his flock toward spiritual maturity.
Finally, Jesus’ closest disciple, Peter, instructs all pastors and elders in 1 Peter 5:2-3 to, “Shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you, not for shameful gain, but eagerly, not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock.” So the pastor is to lead and direct, but he also is to be an example of righteousness to the flock. That’s a tall order, and one that must be considered with all seriousness. My prayer is that I am worthy of the call God has placed in my life and that I do Him great honor by my faithful obedience to His word.